I forgot how hot balto sounded
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
