3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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