We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
