I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
