do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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