i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
