Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Randomize
