Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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