So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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