he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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