legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Terrible idea I love it
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
