I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
