I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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