I think I am morally bankrupt
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
