The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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