there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
