I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
