I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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