Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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