They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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