you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
