So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
