I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
