apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
