I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
