you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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