I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
