I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
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