Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
