I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
