I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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