I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
