You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
