it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
