And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
