I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
