Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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