Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
