I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
