I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
