This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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