i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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