I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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