the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
