he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Couch. On fire.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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