i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
