I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
