Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
