This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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