I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
