The maid of honor just puked.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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